


The Lost Stars

by The_knight_of_the_stars



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fantasy mystery, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Mystery, Romance, Trans Character, Trans Scorpius Malfoy, aventure, kind of slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:13:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_knight_of_the_stars/pseuds/The_knight_of_the_stars
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy is not a her at all, and he is ready to be free.Albus Potter is a dreamer, who never wants to wake up.Hercules Longbottom has forgot how to live, and wants to remember the light.Rose Weasley is a warrior, who doesn´t know how to keep fightingLorcan Scamander feels like he lost everything, and he will to take it back at any costTheir lifes will change forever when this friends are involved in a series of strange disappearances at Hogwarts.They only have each other, and they are about to embark on the greatest adventure they have ever faced.
Relationships: Albus Severus Potter/Lorcan Scamander/Lysander Scamander, Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter, Scorpius Malfoy/Lorcan Scamander, Scorpius Malfoy/Lorcan Scamander/Lysander Scamander, Scorpius Malfoy/Original Male Character(s), Scorpius Malfoy/Rose Weasley
Kudos: 3





	The Lost Stars

Scorpius Malfoy learned to dismiss his emotions when he was taught that reason was wiser. But no matter how hard he tried to convince himself of it, reason often seemed insufficient to him. And more than once he discovered that his heart danced day by day with his mind and that it was his emotions that guided him along the most sensible paths. Now again, looking at himself in the framed mirror in his room, he found that reason was insufficient, feeling things that he was not able to explain, something called him from the bottom of what he had still managed to understand. His spirit, his center, and his motor, his connection with everything, and that which held him together. That was what called him to be something that the rest of the world kept telling him he was not.

That emotion, if that was what he could call it, was beginning to devour him inside.

"Ursa!" He heard his mother's voice, and his heart clenched when he heard that name.

"I'm going!" He answered annoyed. Instinctively, he clasped his hands to his chest, overwhelmed again by the horrible feeling of being exposed. He squeezed himself tightly, his eyes closed until the sensation was lessened. But he didn't get rid of it, he never could.

The morning lights came softly and softly through the translucent curtains of his room, illuminating every corner of her pastel-colored room. A golden halo warmed his bare feet. With the tips of his fingers, he caressed the soft fabric of the carpet, while still clinging to himself, thinking of his mother, her excited eyes and her proud smile, and thinking of his father, his loving words, and his warm hands. A tear fell on his foot, he did not want to disappoint them.

He inhaled deeply, uncoiling himself, looking one last time at the half-empty walls of his room. He hurriedly put on his shoes, trying not to turn to see the mirror. He brushed off his skirt, slowly feeling the tears dry on his cheeks, and sat up with a sigh. He put his hand to his neck, clasping between his fingers the white elephant-shaped necklace that Albus Potter had given him for his birthday. He was nervous but determined.

Today he would tell him. Today he would tell Albus.

When he finally came downstairs, his mother, Astoria Malfoy, was waiting for him with a smile by the door, while his father, Draco Malfoy, checked that all the bags were in place. Scorpius smiled at them, but a little sadness clung to him inside. 

"Morning, princess" his father saluted him, with a nice, encouraging smile. Scorpius stayed silenced, his chest hurt.

All the way to the station, his father tried to make conversation with him in the best possible way, but Scorpius's mind was so scattered that he barely heard him, he could barely answer vaguely as he looked through the window.

"Are you excited for your seventh year, dear?" Asked his father, searching his gaze with a hopeful smile. Scorpius raised the corner of his mouth in an attempt to smile back.

"I guess…" he replied dryly, unable to stop thinking about Albus. It might not be a good idea to tell him on the train, as he had planned, but once inside the school it would be much more difficult to be able to speak alone. Or maybe not.

"What do plan to do? Will you meet Albus at the station?" His father's voice, insisting again, brought him out of his thoughts. She couldn't keep ignoring him, actually, she didn't feel like doing it at all, but he couldn't help it. He turned to look at him, forcing himself to return to the present.

"Yes," he said, this time more animated "You know, father?" I have already finished the book Rose gave me. ” His father smiled, satisfied that a conversation had started.

"Really? Is it good?" He asked, looking at him askance, calmer. Scorpius smiled, his eyes brighter.

"It's fantastic ... " he responded excitedly "It's about a wolf, and it's wonderful the way it describes the wolf's thoughts, how an animal sees the world ... I can't believe I hadn't read it before ... It even talks about the instincts and desires of a ...

As he spoke, his mother smiled too when she saw him excited. For Scorpius, there was nothing more wonderful than a good story, nothing more hopeful. The gripping books, the Muggle movies, the plays; they filled Scorpius's heart as few things could. Even the tedious lessons of the History of magic managed to captivate him for hours, for him the stories had no limits, and from all of them, you could learn. In them he could glimpse the lives of all the people who had given something of themselves to capture those stories, in each one, Scorpius was able to find a friend.

In those moments of brilliant emotion, amid the laughter of his parents, talking endlessly about the things he loved, Scorpius was almost able to feel happy. After all, it was a beautiful day, and he would soon be reuniting with his friends after a whole summer apart. Scorpius wanted to be happy, wanted more than anything that he could love the world as he had when he was a child, but it had been a long time since he had been able to. He was no longer able to enjoy the affection of his parents, nor the laughter of his friends, nor the hugs of his family; he lived drowned in the terror of losing everything. Never before had he felt so alone, so defeated, the hope and light that his whole life had clung to, began to slip from his hands. Every day it became harder for him to smile.

Finally, they reached the station. Scorpius came down, his eyes shining, trying hard not to let his parents notice how nervous he felt. He bit his lip, at the same time dreading and longing for the meeting with Albus. He felt guilty about how much he wanted his parents to leave, how much he wanted to be out of their sight, to feel for the first time that his life belonged to him. He had wanted to please the world for too long, and for the first time, he wanted to please himself.

So when it was time to say goodbye, in front of the scarlet train and the voices of the people intermingled with the whistle of the train, and Scorpius turned to see them with a heavy heart, realizing that his mind was a torment, and he could only hug them with all the strength he had, clinging to their clothes like he did when he was little. He was on the brink of conflict. He loved his parents with all his heart, and would inevitably miss them every day, but he could no longer bear to be by their side, he was no longer able to continue pretending to be the daughter they wanted him to be. He pulled away from them with a lump in his throat and smiled at them. His parents tousled his hair and wished him good luck.

"I love you very much, I'm going to miss you ..." he told them for the last time, with trembling lips, as they watched him get on the train with proud eyes. He waved his hand at them until he finally had to turn around to get on the train. He lost sight of them.

With his heart racing, he pressed his back to the wall, full of fear and uncertainty. He waited for the train to advance before finally daring to breathe. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. Clinging to the sleeves of his shirt, he ran until he locked himself in one of the express bathrooms, and trembling, took off his skirt and the sweater he was wearing. The cool wind on his bare skin reminded him of his own vulnerability, and it took him a moment to close his eyes and breathe, holding back the tears, lest the dreaded sight of his body hurt him so much. He hugged himself, repeating over and over that everything would be fine. From his bag, he pulled out black pants, a white shirt, and a belt, all stolen, a few weeks ago, from his father's closet.

Scorpius stared at them, full of fear, full of hope, full of dreams. He sat on the toilet and breathed in the sweet lavender scent of the clothes. The train whistled, rattling, soft, fast, passing field after field, like a whisper. Slowly, he put on his new pants, feeling the fabric pass over his skin, feeling how it fitted him wonderfully. His heart was pounding. He pulled out an old girdle from his bag, salvaged from his grandmother's closet, after hearing her say she would throw everything away. He stroked it lovingly, and carefully, he squeezed it around his breasts. After secretly wearing it every night to comfort himself, it didn't even hurt anymore; in it, he felt like home. For the first time, he was moved to put on a shirt, which, although it was somewhat large, seemed the most wonderful in the world. He buttoned up with a shaky smile, tucked in, buckled up, and pushed back his blond hair, cut a week ago to be very short, trying to mimic his grandfather's formal hairstyle. Finally, he looked up and saw himself in the small mirror of the bathroom.

The tears, heavy and abundant, fell from his eyes without him being able to avoid it. His heart trembled with excitement, and sobs gushed out of his mouth, mixed with a laugh of pure and utter happiness. He had been looking in the mirror for too long for someone who had never existed, and now he was finally back home. For the first time, Scorpius did not feel lost. Now he saw in the mirror a person he had already begun to forget, one he had always missed. In the mirror, Scorpius saw reflected the person within him, a free and brave person, who was not afraid to show himself as he was. He cried, leaning against the wall, smiling at the mirror until his face ached and the tears dried up, hopefully.

Many times, Scorpius had wondered why he needed to do that. Why did he need to dress in men's clothing? Why did he need to have that masculine hairstyle? Why did he need all that, when he also liked skirts, and ribbons, and fresh blouses with embroidered flowers? He hated his body, he hated his name, he hated being called miss, she, dear, girl, lady. That was what didn't feel right. So why did he needed to dress in those clothes? From the bottom of his heart, Scorpius wanted to be called by the name he had chosen, to be called by him, no matter what clothes he wore.

But sadly, that wish had been overshadowed by an even more urgent one, a much more tragic one. And that was the desire to belong. Like many other people in this cruel world, Scorpius was chained to this inherent desire to belong somewhere, and this was the only way he knew how to achieve it. As much as he wanted to, he was not ready to be brave, and face the stigmata of the world, he was already tired of being strong, of fighting. His spirit was fragmented because that's what loneliness does to people. Scorpius didn't want to be special, he didn't want to be different, all he wanted was to disappear into the crowd, join the world. He wanted, for once in his life, to feel that he existed. He wanted to feel that Scorpius Malfoy, after a lifetime of trying to bury him, still lived inside him.

Perhaps for that reason why the dusty reflection of that wobbly mirror moved him so much because for the first time Scorpius felt that he could achieve anything because finally, people would see him the way he already saw himself.

So when he finally gathered his things and smiled with his heart in his hands, ready to walk out the door, he allowed himself to look into the eyes of the man he hoped to become one day. He walked out the door, terrified, nervous, happy. I was in the first step of trying to be brave. And while showing himself to the world threatened to topple his confidence, it was granting him a taste of freedom he could never have imagined. He was staring fear in the eye and hugging it, and only now, that fear was starting to disappear. And when the fear began to clear, everything that had lulled within him suddenly awakened, hitting him with the force of a hurricane. All his secrets emerged as his truth, and his alone. Now he realized that they were never something sudden, they had always been there.

Scorpius Malfoy had always been there.

So despite the fear that closed his throat, he could not prevent a spontaneous smile from forming every time he met someone in the corridor of the train, and he greeted them happily with a nod of the head. That momentary ecstasy gave him enough courage to face Albus, his best friend, and finally, confess who he really was. Trembling, he peered between the compartments, with a certain cheerful demeanor, full of the optimism that his new look had given him. Finally, in a nearly empty compartment, he saw a medium-sized boy with broad shoulders and black hair, leaning over a huge thick-covered book. Albus.

Scorpius took a deep breath and opened the door with a smile. Albus looked up from the book and grinned at the sight of his friend.

"Ursa!" He exclaimed excitedly, rising with his arms outstretched to give him a hug.

"Albus!" He exclaimed, inevitably showing in his voice the nervousness he felt. He accepted the hug enthusiastically, sinking into Albus's body in the same way that his friend was sinking into his. He always felt safe with Albus.

"By Merlin ..." Albus said, pulling away to see him. "You look ... incredible," he said affectionately, with a warm smile on his face. Scorpius smiled back, more hopeful. "That hair looks good on you, my friend."

"Thank you, you look amazing too," he replied cheerfully, raising an eyebrow. "Is that coat new?"

"Yes, it is, thanks for noticing," Albus replied with an arrogant half-smile. Suddenly, he looked at his book again, as he would have remembered something "But hey! That's not important! You won't believe what I have!" Albus exclaimed, his voice vibrant and excited, motioning for Scorpius to sit next to him. With a proud smile, Albus showed him the thick black cover book.

"And that is…?" Scorpius asked, frowning an eyebrow.

"I do not have the slightest idea!" Albus answered with a laugh. "But Aunt Hermione had it very hidden, so it must be important ..."

"Wait a moment… Did you steal a book from the Minister of Magic? Why?"

"In my defense, they have a terrible security system, I didn't even need ... You know what? That's not important! Look what is inside ...! What do you see?"

Scorpius obeyed, puzzled, taking the book and opening it to any page. Albus watched him anxiously. On the page, he saw strange symbols and frets written in an ink of various colors. He could not understand any. He looked a little more and saw that the other pages contained similar signs, long writing in an unknown language, and arbitrary pictures of mountains or flowers.

"Well ... I guess it must be some kind of ..."

"You can see them?" Albus interrupted, wide-eyed.

"What?" Scorpius asked, increasingly confused.

"The symbols! Those colored frets!"

"If I can see them? Of course ... Why ...?"

Albus took a deep breath, his green eyes shining like emeralds.

"Because no one else can see them!" Albus declared, laughing. "Oh, by merlin, I thought I had gone crazy ... But if you see them too ..."

"Wait, Albus... What are you talking about?" Scorpius asked.

"I showed the book to James and he told me that it was blank, at first I thought he was joking, so I decided to go to the muggle world for a while and I was asking the people I found," Albus said, stumbling on the words while looking for something between the folds of his coat. He took out a crumpled notebook, and showed it to him, on it, Albus had written between grease stains the crude result of his experiment. "You see? Out of 47 people, no one could see anything, only me!"

"What? No way!" Scorpius exclaimed, incredulous, bringing his face closer to the crumpled notebook. "No!"

"Yes!" Albus replied. "And not only that!" I think it has some kind of very powerful magic ... maybe those marks are some kind of spell, or ..."

"Wait, so your brother knows you stole an enchanted book?"

"Yes, more or less…" 

"Albus! What if it gives you away?"

"He won't," he answered nonchalantly. "James knows we're very responsible ..."

"Yeah right…" Scorpius said sarcastically.

"Do you want to concentrate?" Albus said. "This could be very important!"

"Is that so? How?" Scorpius asked. Albus sighed long, taking a quick look at the door. He made him sit down.

"I think this is what Lysander was looking for a year ago… When… you know, when he disappeared…" Albus's voice trailed off a bit.

Scorpius felt a lump in his throat, and instinctively lowered his gaze, the air had suddenly turned gloomy. Albus wasn't looking at him either, instead, he was staring at the book, which he clutched with the tips of his fingers, while he bit his lip anxiously. Scorpius put his hand on his shoulder comfortingly. Albus raised a sad, hopeful smile.

"I just… I don't know, I thought this could… I don't know, be of use to the Aurors in the case… or something," he said trying to sound confident. Scorpius squeezed his shoulder lovingly.

"How do you know this is from Lysander?" Scorpius said softly.

"Because it has annotations, on the last pages, look." Albus flipped through the pages until he found the one he wanted, and Scorpius could see what he meant. At the edges of the book were small pieces of paper pasted with arbitrary notes in small crooked letters. "Caution" "Low Danger" "Still in Azkaban" "42/1". Scorpius felt a chill.

"It's ... it's Lysander's handwriting," Scorpius whispered, feeling tears threaten to spill from his eyes. In his mind, he relived the soft, gentle sound of Lysander's laugh, missing him with all his heart, wishing he could be with them right now. He had been the light of their lives, and in an instant, he was gone.

"My parents ... they won't believe me, I've already tried, they'll just take the book away from us" Albus replied, licking his lips, he felt his mouth go dry from so many emotions "This ... has to mean something, Lysander... He always said that we would be in his life, that he would always leave something behind for us ... What if this is it? "

Scorpius rubbed his wrists nervously, and looked at his friend, wondering if they were doing the right thing. A latent thought replied "It's worth it, Lysander is worth it"

He turned to Albus, who was looking at him hopefully and sighed.

"Sounds like we have a lot of work to do" Scorpius replied, Albus smiled gratefully and hugged him "Show me what you've found ..."

Scorpius brushed off his father's suit, listening to his friend, unable to help but think about what already seemed obvious to him. "I'm not coming out any time soon"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
